Into every life a little change must come.

I feel like my life needs a lot of change. Maybe I’m being overly drastic, but I feel as though without a lot of change things simply will not get better for me. When I got laid off in May of 2008, I thought things might work for the better. I have gotten to go to college, which is great. I’m in my last semester, and am quite stressed out. I don’t know where I might be able to get a job once I finish. Our finances are in a shambles from me not working for two years.

Last Spring I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was losing weight, I felt confident. Classes were going well. I was optimistic.

Things changed over the summer. I stopped exercising and went back to eating crap, because I don’t like myself very much. It’s like punishment for myself. I just don’t understand how to change this.

I sometimes think I just need to give up, deal with the fact that this is how things are, and push through. Lose the weight, do what’s right for everyone else, get a good job, and let the family do what they want with the money.

I guess we shall see. Either way, change is coming.


~ by Benjamin Kenneally on January 20, 2011.

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